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For spankees: Why do you want to be spanked?


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#1 calspankee

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Posted 06 August 2009 - 09:29 PM

You've probably thought about, perhaps a great deal, perhaps not, so here is the question: why do you want to be spanked?

My own answer is that I like giving up power and control to my wife, to put myself entirely in her hands to spank as long and as hard as she wants, not as I want. I find this exciting both before and after the spanking, but not usually during the spanking itself because it hurts so much I quickly move to the point where I really, truly don't want it any more. Yet if she stops as soon as I reach this stage, I feel disappointed 5 minutes later. On the other hand, if it goes on and on for several minutes after I reach the point of "having had enough" , I won't feel disappointed 5 minutes or 5 hours or 5 days after she stops spanking me.

I also have a desire to be punished for whatever it is she wants to punish me for.



#2 justdesserts2

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Posted 07 August 2009 - 01:09 AM

QUOTE (calspankee @ Aug 7 2009, 04:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You've probably thought about, perhaps a great deal, perhaps not, so here is the question: why do you want to be spanked?

My own answer is that I like giving up power and control to my wife, to put myself entirely in her hands to spank as long and as hard as she wants, not as I want. I find this exciting both before and after the spanking, but not usually during the spanking itself because it hurts so much I quickly move to the point where I really, truly don't want it any more. Yet if she stops as soon as I reach this stage, I feel disappointed 5 minutes later. On the other hand, if it goes on and on for several minutes after I reach the point of "having had enough" , I won't feel disappointed 5 minutes or 5 hours or 5 days after she stops spanking me.

I also have a desire to be punished for whatever it is she wants to punish me for.



calspankee,
Why do I want to be spanked---that is a very good question, and since I've had "spanking on the brain" since about 2nd grade, I would have to say that for me it is most definitely an "inner need" on a couple of levels. At the 2nd grade age in the very early 1960's---I had absolutely no one to put the very initial spanking thoughts in my brain---other than maybe Mother Goose---otherwise, it's all from the heart and soul. (Smile!)


#3 uspankmegood

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Posted 07 August 2009 - 11:30 PM

Augh! Dare I answer this question? I shall start - whether I delete it or not before posting..? We shall see...

I will be seeing a therapist on Tuesday who I have seen before. I saw alone for help with life in general, then for a short time with my husband because this "need" was causing problems. I bring this up because, as much as I love this therapist, I am having some anxiety about the fact that she does not really approve of me engaging in it and thinks I am just an active addict. So writing this response may actually help me prepare a bit for the session on Tuesday.

Several experiences have contributed to me getting "spanking on the brain", as I've heard said here on this site. Maybe a bullet list would help:

  • I lost 45% of my hearing at age 2 and was spanked when I didn't hear (seen as not listening/ignoring) until age 3.
  • My father "pretend" spanked me at age 9, but didn't pretend with my sister, who was spanked at the same time. This was extremely confusing. Today, I see it as the beginning of a pact my father made with me and that was played out between us the years following. Basically, if I let him molest me, I won't get in trouble.
  • I had sexual contact with all the men in my family - my 3 brothers, my father and my father's father. Initially, I was molested, but with a few, it's tough to call it that when I kept showing up for more. Sex was a sort of currency in my house - a currency I used to get needs for attention and love met. This is what happens when the head of the household is a pedophile. Anyway - back to the point - after each instance of sexual contact, I withdrew for anywhere from a few hours to whole days, into a world inside my head - and in a state of arousal (whether I liked the contact or not - this is a physiological response) and fantasied about being punished with a paddle by anyone but my offenders and for anything other than the sexual contact.
  • I witnessed siblings, friends and classmates getting spanked all the time, but I was never a recipient.
  • My parents dibbed me too "emotionally fragile" to be spanked, held accountable, or even told firmly "No!" Now, with dad, you know what was going on there, but with Mom, she really did see me as fragile, but also, we had some kind of power play going on. All I had to do when she said "No" to me was push her until she gave in and said, in frustration, "Oh! Just go do whatever you want!"


That worked - the bullet list - I think it makes it all a little less the focal point here. It is not my intent to shock anyone here or appeal to anyone for sympathy. This is just my experience and what contributed to me developing a desire for spankings.

By the time I was in my twenties, and started having relationships, when I became aroused, having sex didn't occur to me - being spanked did. This is how it went for years and years after that. It wasn't until this became an issue - why I didn't want normal sex without spanking as part of it - that I realized how conditioned I was to respond to arousal with thoughts of spanking instead of sex. This began a long and difficult road of trying to pull it all apart. Even back in the beginning of trying to change to a normal sexual being, I knew spanking was already hopelessly integrated with every cell in my body. It was intertwined with my personality and seemed un--intertwine-able.

For years, I sought out spankings from my partners, which sometimes worked, but it was always sexual, which I liked okay and settled for. Then, in '99, I discovered the Internet, and started meeting people for discipline. Most were disguised as disciplinarians, but were sexually interested or into BDSM, which I really couldn't get into. I wasn't practicing any safety and got into some dangerous situations, but was really lucky overall. I never met the same person twice and never got into a discussion with anyone where discipline was seen as a long term thing.

This is really not answering the original question anymore, is it? But I do think I'm heading there...

I married someone I met on an alternative sex site, who playfully spanked me from the beginning. We started running into problems when he became aware of how seriously I wanted him to spank me. I wanted to be spanked much harder than he was willing to. After 2 years of being married, I started looking outside my marriage to get the spanking I wanted, but when I found someone who was willing to spank me for non-sexual discipline, I couldn't go through with meeting him without first talking to my husband. I didn't want to risk my marriage. This ended up being a very traumatic, trust demolishing move. I realized I could never go there without running the risk of losing my husband, so I didn't. Two years later, I realized I wasn't going to be able to keep that promise - I was periodically looking for spankers, starting to make arrangements, then backing away. I decided I needed to go into addiction recovery in Dec., 2006. This went on for almost 2 years, until I came across this site, literally after begging God for mercy!

So for the past nine months, I have had a long distance mentor who directs me to self-spank. This was a good arrangement, so I thought, because it was one my husband could live with. Unfortunately, though, my periodic search for a face to face spanker picked up again, and over time, I became convinced I needed to have it face to face.

The biggest reason, I believe, that I need it face to face, is that I can't really spank myself as hard as I need it. A few months ago now, I met a couple and was given the hardest spanking I have ever been given. A few weeks after that, I met with a man, who did that again! I have since been spanked twice more by this man, now a disciplinarian to me. He has given me a punishment spanking (two on the first meeting), a reminder/maintenaince spanking, and a stress relief spanking. Not only is he spanking me, but he is lecturing me. We have talked a lot over the past week, very honestly and openly, and he believes he can help me with a lot of my issues. I feel very blessed!

So why do I want to be spanked? I'm betting there are a few psychologists and many others, who after reading all this believe they could tell me with textbook accuracy. But honestly? My opinion about why I want to be spanked is changing faces all the time. Without a doubt, I lacked discipline growing up in a big serious way, and I am incredibly impulsive and unruly as a result, which keeps my life in a perpetual state of chaos. Add ADHD to that and now I've got some real self control problems. Then add PTSD to that, and compound it with a propensity for self-sabotage that won't quit! Do you see any need for a spanking here?

Without all the bullcrap in the previous paragraph, just the 10 years of conditioning of being in a state of arousal after sexual contact and fantasizing about being punished was probably enough to create a lifelong spanko out of me.

Now, almost none of that matters. The fact is I want and need to be spanked. I just read another thread addressing the questions of a vanilla partner where someone expressed it in a way that hit me between the eyes! She said the aftereffect was she could focus on what she needed to be doing with a transformed attitude toward it. I'm not quoting her, but basically that's what she said. This is exactly the benefit I get from being spanked, whether it be for punishment or stress relief. I can get back to the business of living my life well, without the need/desire for a spanking (or whatever it is I'm really after) interfering.

So.. I want a spanking because:

  • I need one!
  • It helps me focus on living my life well.
  • I feel loved and cared about.
  • I feel punished for and freed from the guilt of wrongdoings (sometimes requires amends for a full freedom).
  • It de-stresses me.
  • It feels good to be over someones knees, that is, until it starts hurting, then it feels good to be really getting what I deserve, in the case of punishment, or to be getting relieved of all the stress, in the case of a stress relief spanking! ACK!


Okay. I'm going to post this now, then I'm going to light a cigarette and read it from what I think might be your perspective, then I'll decide if I am going to delete it or not....

B\
B/ P\ p/ B\

#4 uspankmegood

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Posted 07 August 2009 - 11:45 PM

Augh! What do I have to lose? Most of you already think I'm a little whacko anyway.. hehe. I did change one part...

B\
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#5 justdesserts2

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Posted 08 August 2009 - 03:07 AM

QUOTE (uspankmegood @ Aug 8 2009, 06:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Augh! What do I have to lose? Most of you already think I'm a little whacko anyway.. hehe. I did change one part...

B\



uspankmegood,
First and foremost my friend---you are NOT whacko!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's 2:30 AM currently where I am, and I can't sleep at the moment, and so I want to give you some response now, reread later, and add more thoughts later. Soooooooooooo, with that in mind, thou shalt NOT erase anything from here, because you put alot of hard work, and thoughtful honesty into what you've said. I think that typing out your thoughts is sooooooo therapeutic (it is for me), because you can sit back and look at what you said, save it, and then go back later---like maybe a few hours to 24 hours or more later---and see if what you typed---makes sense, or if you need to clarify for yourself and/or others, or add to the thought, or whatever. Then when you couple that with a very supportive group of people as are on this site, well you can't help but come out ahead with things. While most of us of course are not therapists/counselors, all of us can share our personal experiences and thoughts. In addition to that, keep in mind that therapists/counselors are just as human as you and I, and are therefore also subject to not always being right. Sometimes professionals think---without even realizing it---that they are above the patient/client---which of course is not true. There are bad ones, but also some very good therapists/counselors---as with anything.

The last counselor I had I very much liked, but she said a few things that made me doubt myself, and after much thought, personal reading, and researching, found I was in very much in disagreement with her. Know that it is O.K. to disagree with your counselor, be open and reflective to what he/she says---but be careful with doubting yourself. One thing I learned over the years was just that---too often I doubted myself too much---but during that time of doubt, I thought at great length about whatever it was that made me doubt myself---but never entirely let-go of my beliefs until proven otherwise. In my particular situation the counselor told me I was "an addict" regarding a Xanax dependency, and I very, very much disagreed with her "labeling" me as such. Why??? Because it did not "feel right," something was wrong about that description of me. So I did some more researching and reading on the topic, and to cut to the chase her "labelling" was NOT quite accurate, because I was NOT drug seeking because I felt I really needed it personally---I needed the Xanax, because a nurse practitioner pyschologist put me on it with good intentions, and then the pysch MD left me on it for an additional 4 years---without even trying to help me get off of it as I was trying to get off of it, and the reason I could NOT get off of it by myself was because I was physically dependent on it, and to again cut to the chase---now that I am off of it---I don't even miss the damn drug! (Smile.) So my intuition, my instincts about the label "addict" were absolutely correct. I do not like it when therapists/counselors label a person an "addict," because it so "negative," and there IS A REASON for the addictive behavior---I don't give a rat's behind if it pyschological or physiological or both. And also, given the stress I've been under especially the last couple of years---I totally understand why people drink and seek drugs for coping---I am NOT critical of that, it's not a healthy way to cope (also depending, may be illegal), but I am NOT critical of it. What I am critical of are family, friends, employers, health care professionals, and the like---who either directly or indirectly contribute to whatever puts a label of "addict" on a person. Who don't even try to look at the person/patient/client/employee as being a human being just like they are---and who has the same needs, and the same right as they have---to be treated with some better human understanding and thought. I could ramble on and on about that. (Smile.) One more thing to add here---I think it is much more appropriate, much more accurate, and much less demoralizing if "dependency" is used rather than "addict."

From my initial perception, in regarding spanking for yourself, I think (my humble opinion) you grew up in a setting that was not only very confusing for one in those "formative years"---and actually I think all our years are "formative"---but the setting you grew up in was also very abusive---PLUS---couple that with your normal need for spanking, and then all the controversy surrounding spanking to begin with, and then couple that with therapists/counselors who frequently rush to the conclusion that ALL spanking is harmful---no wonder your feeling anxiety ridden, and need a cigarette!!! (Smile!) Your conclusive bullet list tells me that you are NOT a whacko by any means, your post tells me you have thought a great deal about your life, and your spanking needs. Your "spanking needs" are exactly what this site is all about!!! Be kind, take care of yourself, and I hope you have a relaxing day. (Smile!) justdesserts2/Dawn

#6 Catharsis By Her Hand

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Posted 09 August 2009 - 06:33 PM

For me, this is a very thought-provoking post. Thanks!

As indicated by my screen name, I seek spankings, but why? And why from a lady?

For me, the reasons range from stress relief to behavior correction. First I must find a person that I respect and look up to, at least in some area or domain. Then, as a manner of (quite frankly) indulging myself by expressing that respect, I completely turn myself over to that person by submitting to a spanking. (Of course, the person must be attuned to the ideals of spanking for therapy or correction, as expressed on this board... be cautioned that this approach does NOT work for others!).

And why a lady? Even the information on the home page of this board quotes that the "whipping therapy" mentioned was far more effective when given by a "person of the opposite sex."

In my case, I think that a 7-year sequence of strong, generally attractive kindergarten and elementary school teachers in a school that had an attractive older principal who freely administered paddlings (but not for me - I was never bad enough!) had a strong effect. Hence, I seek out not just a lady, but a lady that, as described above, I can respect, even admire, in some way. That generally means:

1) Older is better;

2) An expertise in *something* of importance, even if it is unrelated, such as meteorology (watch out, The Weather Channel's Heather Tesch, here I come!) is essential for me to regard that person with the respect due a teacher;

3) The ability to instill fear, not due to the threat of physical pain, but through emotional dominance, whether it is a demanding personality (such as Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada) or my fear of disappointing someone whose regard I seek (e.g., Isabelle Huppert as The Piano Teacher);

4) Younger is worse. The nubile, luscious, willing air-head, even if she is oozing sexuality at 11 on a scale of 10, incites no consideration from me as a potential spanker.

The older I get and the wiser I get, the harder it is to find such a lady whom I know to be a spanker. There are certainly ladies that I respect in this manner, but I either know them not to spank, or I do not know whether they do (and would be petrified to ask). I believe that there are such types on this board.

If only there were a Secret Sign that we Spankos can wear, unnoticed by others but declaring our propensity to others in the know, then I might find that one of these lady icons declares herself a spanker to those who know. It is putting your belt on in the reverse direction? A special lapel pin? A white dot in the middle of the back of your shoe? We need an identifying sign!

Suggestions???

Catharsis By Her Hand
"Most men fantasize about receiving a hard disciplinary punishment but aren't quite prepared for what it involves... It is a tremendous amount of pain applied in a manner that is beyond their limits in order to teach them a proper lesson." Miss J, lead of Women-Spanking-Men.com

#7 breakmydreams

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Posted 11 August 2009 - 10:57 AM

I want to be spanked because I need discipline in my life to help me fix some of my behaviors that I know I shouldn't do, but yet don't know how to stop them.

Break My Dreams!!!

#8 Red-Arse

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 06:37 AM

Very Nice Topic smile.gif

Well for me i'd want to have it done by people others (Females,Hot,Nice Tight asses, People that i have met that are hot) anyway i want to be spanked because it some how releases guilt form me a sort of gets me horny so yeah... but i want to be the spanker as well

#9 Spanko1

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Posted 17 August 2009 - 09:40 AM

Why do want/need to be spanked? As I am still recovering from my recent spanking of a week ago, this has been on my mind.

I appreciate the comments others have made.. As I have mentioned elsewhere, as I reach out on the internet I find so many with experiences and desires very much like mine. This is very comforting.

I have decided that I am not a pain freak-- I don’t get off or get sexually excited during a spanking, (though spanking is very much in my fantasies). I don’t like other kinds of torture or pain, which is why I’m not much of a “dungeon slave.” Yet a spanking that is not painful-- intensely painful-- is a letdown. So what exactly am I addicted to?

I am addicted to the feelings I get during the process arraigning a spanking-- realizing I need it, deciding on calling my disciplinarian, making the call (hanging up a few times), etc. I am addicted to the nervous feelings during the process of going to the spanking-- showering, making sure I am presentable, making excuses at work, the drive, and ringing the doorbell.

I am addicted to the stern look of the older women who I prefer as a dom (stern, but compassionate actually), and the whole ritual of the spanking-- having to confess what I am most embarrassed to confess, seeing her move her chair into place or hear her make preparations as I stand in the corner.

I am addicted to the feeling of total helplessness, the embarrassment of whatever nudity is involved, and the nervous anticipation during the whole ritual.

The pain-- well I hate it, truly-- but what it produces is exquisite-- the only thing I think to compare it to is what runners report as the runner’s high. There is a point where I absolutely cannot take anymore, then the endorphins or whatever kick in. The pain is still there, but I am riding a narcotic rush.

After a good spanking, I am drunk with endorphins to the point It is unsafe to drive without aftercare or at least a rest. If I am with a good disciplinarian I feel forgiven, cleansed, relieved.

Why do I need spanking to produce this experience? That I haven’t figured out. I only know that I have felt the need to be spanked, witness spanking, or give spanking since my parents stopped spanking me around age 10. I am now in my 40’s, and it has never ceased. I do believe my desire to be spanked by a mature woman (not always older, at my age) is probably because my dad never spanked me, just mom or her female friends (acceptable in that time).

Sorry this was long, but I am trying to be thorough.


#10 Catharsis By Her Hand

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Posted 17 August 2009 - 05:35 PM

<!--quoteo(post=23562:date=Aug 17 2009, 11:40 AM:name=Spanko1)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Spanko1 @ Aug 17 2009, 11:40 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=23562"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->

Why do want/need to be spanked? As I am still recovering from my recent spanking of a week ago, this has been on my mind.

I appreciate the comments others have made.. As I have mentioned elsewhere, as I reach out on the internet I find so many with experiences and desires very much like mine. This is very comforting.

I have decided that I am not a pain freak-- I donâ™t get off or get sexually excited during a spanking, (though spanking is very much in my fantasies). I donâ™t like other kinds of torture or pain, which is why Iâ™m not much of a âœdungeon slave.❠Yet a spanking that is not painful-- intensely painful-- is a letdown. So what exactly am I addicted to?

I am addicted to the feelings I get during the process arraigning a spanking-- realizing I need it, deciding on calling my disciplinarian, making the call (hanging up a few times), etc. I am addicted to the nervous feelings during the process of going to the spanking-- showering, making sure I am presentable, making excuses at work, the drive, and ringing the doorbell.

I am addicted to the stern look of the older women who I prefer as a dom (stern, but compassionate actually), and the whole ritual of the spanking-- having to confess what I am most embarrassed to confess, seeing her move her chair into place or hear her make preparations as I stand in the corner.

I am addicted to the feeling of total helplessness, the embarrassment of whatever nudity is involved, and the nervous anticipation during the whole ritual.

The pain-- well I hate it, truly-- but what it produces is exquisite-- the only thing I think to compare it to is what runners report as the runnerâ™s high. There is a point where I absolutely cannot take anymore, then the endorphins or whatever kick in. The pain is still there, but I am riding a narcotic rush.

After a good spanking, I am drunk with endorphins to the point It is unsafe to drive without aftercare or at least a rest. If I am with a good disciplinarian I feel forgiven, cleansed, relieved.

Why do I need spanking to produce this experience? That I havenâ™t figured out. I only know that I have felt the need to be spanked, witness spanking, or give spanking since my parents stopped spanking me around age 10. I am now in my 40â™s, and it has never ceased. I do believe my desire to be spanked by a mature woman (not always older, at my age) is probably because my dad never spanked me, just mom or her female friends (acceptable in that time).

Sorry this was long, but I am trying to be thorough.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->


<b>WHEW!</b>

That was one of the <u>best</u> accounts I have ever read, both of why you seek a spanking, and the minute details of its occuring. I would bet you could write one heck of a spanking story! Thank you for taking the time.

You, like I (I have a post earlier in this thread), seek to be spanked by a lady that in some way can dominate you... whether it is age (becomes harder as we get older) or by superior skill in an important area, as I have found.

You trace the origins of your desires to being spanked only by females while growing up; I trace mine to a run of attractive elementary school teachers and a very attractive, older, commanding lady who was the school principal, and very liberal with the paddle.

Thanks again for your thoughts!
"Most men fantasize about receiving a hard disciplinary punishment but aren't quite prepared for what it involves... It is a tremendous amount of pain applied in a manner that is beyond their limits in order to teach them a proper lesson." Miss J, lead of Women-Spanking-Men.com

#11 Obedient Lad

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Posted 30 September 2009 - 08:19 AM

You've probably thought about, perhaps a great deal, perhaps not, so here is the question: why do you want to be spanked?

My own answer is that I like giving up power and control to my wife, to put myself entirely in her hands to spank as long and as hard as she wants, not as I want. I find this exciting both before and after the spanking, but not usually during the spanking itself because it hurts so much I quickly move to the point where I really, truly don't want it any more. Yet if she stops as soon as I reach this stage, I feel disappointed 5 minutes later. On the other hand, if it goes on and on for several minutes after I reach the point of "having had enough" , I won't feel disappointed 5 minutes or 5 hours or 5 days after she stops spanking me.

I also have a desire to be punished for whatever it is she wants to punish me for.



I understand . I felt this need for some time . I wanted a disciplinarian too spank or cane me and put me in my place .

#12 TORCH

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Posted 30 September 2009 - 01:12 PM

You've probably thought about, perhaps a great deal, perhaps not, so here is the question: why do you want to be spanked?

My own answer is that I like giving up power and control to my wife, to put myself entirely in her hands to spank as long and as hard as she wants, not as I want. I find this exciting both before and after the spanking, but not usually during the spanking itself because it hurts so much I quickly move to the point where I really, truly don't want it any more. Yet if she stops as soon as I reach this stage, I feel disappointed 5 minutes later. On the other hand, if it goes on and on for several minutes after I reach the point of "having had enough" , I won't feel disappointed 5 minutes or 5 hours or 5 days after she stops spanking me.

I also have a desire to be punished for whatever it is she wants to punish me for.

For me it's the best stress reliever yet! When my mind fogs up from everyday life a good hard bare bottom spanking sets things straight.

#13 jenny

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Posted 04 October 2009 - 12:30 AM

Mine is pretty simple.

I lack motivation. I did much better as a child when I had serious immediate consequences for my lazy/unmotivated/manipulative behaviors. The sound of my fathers belt being pulled out of his pants and being told to lean over and take my medicine, was in fact medicinal. I wasn't sexually abused, I was being treated as I deserved and needed. My grades were better for a significant period following a good whipping. I towed the line, and there was much less smart mouthed quips. In truth, my home was a happy place to be when I was doing my part as a productive and respectful member of the family.

As an adult, while I'm pretty good at work, my home is a mess, and I have no motivation to change things. I am sarcastic and cynical in my dealings with my partner. He tries to spank me at times, but it's more a forplay thing, and i'm doubtful that he would ever do it because he knew I needed it, or that I crossed the line. I find myself testing those limits, which makes me feel as if IM wearing the pants in this family. I feel like he should be.... and that I should not be doing what i'm doing. I'm ashamed of my behaviours, but yet I can't seem to change them, and be productive and respectful in the manner that I should. It would be hard, i'm sure to take what I need, but i'm certain, as in the past, that it would be just the pill I needed to swallow. We each have our unique needs, and clearly I need this to be all that I can be.

#14 coolmom60

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Posted 04 October 2009 - 08:15 AM

I know I am late in answering this question but hey, I just got here. So here goes...

I have read all the responses and find that most all of us have the same feelings about why we need to be spanked. I have known I wanted to be spanked at a very young age. I can remember playing house and asking the person playing the father if he was going to spank me for being bad, in hopes that he would. I fooled around sexually (not intercourse) starting about about 12 yrs old with boys who were friends of the family. I can remember asking him to put me over his knee. He said he didnt' want to hurt me and refused. Later when I had long term boyfriends, I tried to get each of them to spank me by being bad. All I ever accomplished with that is being thought of as weird and broken up with.

I always did think of myself as weird. I looked to marry a man who was going to be a take charge person which I accomplished to a degree, not as much as I'd like. I am a classic sub. I have my own opinions and like to speak them but one of the reasons I like to be spanked is to have the feeling of being watched over and taken care of. I don't want to be stifled and quieted but I am willing to be submissive to rules. Discipline is my number 1 reason for wanting to be spanked.

I like spanking for sex too. It always makes the sex better for me. My husband likes it too. I asked him to sexual spank me early on in our marriage. About a month before we got married I asked him to discipline spank me and he got mad and walked out asking me why I would ever want him to hurt me? Wow, that was a disappointing blow to me and quite an embarrassment. I had an issue with speeding at the time (in the car, not drugs) which he didn't like so I had asked him to spank me. When he returned home, we talked about it. I don't remember how it happened but I did get him to spank me and it was everything I had dreamed of. He gave me a bare bottom hand spanking on a virgin bottom that I still remember today. Later on I told him that I was curious what a belt felt like because I had never had a spanking from my father. He gave me 3 swats with a belt that night that bruised me so badly he vowed to never do it again. We didn't know anything about warmups or proper ways to spank. All I knew was that I wanted a hard spanking. The bruises were a trophy to me. He didn't see it that way.

I know this wasn't a question about life stories but everyone else seems to be doing it so I'll continue. We went through our marriage occasionally spanking for fun. I had no rules to follow but at times would tell him I did something bad in hopes he would spank me. It would always turn out that during sex he would give me a harder play spanking and call it discipline. This kind of stuff went on for 21 years.

Our marriage wasn't doing well. We were distant and had problems. I started raiding the medicine cabinet for relief. If someone in the family brought home pain meds, it was me that took them all. Then my son started taking adderall. He didn't take them every day so there was always some left over when he got his new monthly supply. I found that those made me happy. I did that for a year wanting to stop doing it well before that. One day my husband and I were making love and he surprised me by using a paddle on me. It had been a while since any type of spanking so I was thrilled. I wanted to be disciplined so badly for what I had been doing the past years and I didn't want to do it anymore. Later that night, I ended up telling him of my drug use. The one thing he had always told me was that I would get the belt if I ever touched drugs. He was aware that I had smoked pot and did some things in my teen years so he told me it wouldn't be tolerated in our marriage. (A sternness that attracted me to him) I knew he would spank me and was actually scared of it but more scared of what he thought of me. We talked about him taking over all drug distribution in the house until I got myself under control. The drugs I was abusing were put into his hands and I was spanked very hard. For some reason that night that I can't remember, we looked on the internet for husband's spanking wives and found tons of stuff about disciplinary spanking. We talked and decided to incorporate discipline to fix our marital problems. He made rules and we both took it very seriously. Our marriage quickly became a model marriage with love for each other like never before. The spankings made me feel special to him and very cared for and he was seeing a new me. He was feeling that special himself, a feeling he hadn't had in a long time. Our sex life took off to heights it hadn't been since we first got married.

Having said all that, it's been 3 years and I rarely need discipline. He is the type of person who just can't seem to wrap himself around giving a spanking that isn't "needed", meaning me doing something wrong to deserve it. I crave spankings every week but get them only a few times a month if that. I have talked and talked to him about this. Each time he says he understands and says he'll step it. He starts out great for about a week but is never consistant. Then, unless I come to him and directly ask, he doesn't spank. I am currently trying to diet and have asked him to be my coach and spank for motivation. Again, he starts out great for the first week but I barely get started and he quits on me. I am very frustrated right now. I have become very lazy, always on the internet not getting anything productive done and in need of discipline again, but he won't spank unless I do something that he feels deserves it. He also spends a lot of time on the internet so he doesn't want to spank me for something he is doing. He definitely knows how to do a good job when he feels it's warranted. I just wish he would see my needs as warranted. I tried to explain that spanking keeps me focused and happy. I get in horrible moods if I'm not spanked for a while. He knows this but I still have to tell him that it's been too long and I need to be spanked. For me, this gives me a control factor that I don't want.

I have asked him if I can go to a disciplinarian to lose weight. He doesn't like the idea of someone else spanking me. He knows that he is not living up to what I would want of him but the thought of someone else spanking me is not good either. We are not exhibitionists so showing my bare bottom to another man is more like adultry to him and I won't be spanked by a woman. I don't know that I could ever talk him into this but I am going to try. I NEED help. Help that he doesn't seem to be comfortable with. I need a disciplinarian. I was even thinking of a long distance internet mentor like the one lady explained in her post. I did approach someone but it's not the way he operates. My husband needs a mentor to talk to him and tell him how necessary it is to meet this need. He needs direction on how to discipline consistently. He knows his problem is a consistency problem, I'm sure caused by his ADD. He is classic ADD which is where my son got it from.

So anyway, why I like to be spanked: It keeps me focused, calm, feeling loved and cared for and is fun during sex too.

#15 missy

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Posted 04 October 2009 - 07:11 PM

well i like the feeling of a warm bottom
Young for a 32 year old
i was spanked two nights in a row ouch

#16 mandy395

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Posted 04 October 2009 - 08:42 PM

Although I have not been spanked. I want to be spanked because I believe that a firm hand will help me with problems such as procrastination and carelessness (For Example: Procrastinating on my school work by playing online, but if I had a "sting" to remember it by I think it would help).

#17 rose lips

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Posted 13 October 2009 - 02:11 AM

uspankmegood,
Thank you very much for your post. Enough similarities that really hit home in regards to feeling and trying to explain to two people who know me most. I will return to add more, but needed to find this discussion again, after reading a few nights ago.

I have guarded my heart and soul so well, that these two people aren't understanding why I need this. and I think you have put it in much better words than i have been able to.
thank you so much again.

#18 spankyboy

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Posted 13 October 2009 - 10:46 AM

My two cents worth...

I think all of you are entirely correct about our spanking needs. I do beleive, as a previous post stated, that these deisres are developed at an early age. Our comic books, movies, TV shows all depicted spankings and it was easy to develop this interest. There is a good video that I can reccomend that deals with this (DOTTIE GETS SPANKED) has anyone besides me seen it?

I think there may be an exhibitionist tendency for some of us who like (need?) to be spanked. For me, witnessed spankings were/are much more exciting and satisfying than private ones. Certainly the embarrassment factor is ten fold, but also the excitement factor as well. To have your pants taken down in front of witnesses for a spanking is very very exciting indeed.

Anyone else like to be spanked in front of witnesses?

#19 exploringguy

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Posted 22 October 2009 - 03:56 PM

One thing that I wonder about is how many spankers do find themselves every once in awhile wanting to be the spankee? I'm not talking about someone who is a switch and who then regularly makes that crossing. I'm thinking of someone who is definitely a spanker and yet every once in awhile finds themselves thinking about the possibility of a really nice spanking. For example, when you are scouting out a new toy and in the process start to consider how it might feel on you as well! I would assume that the same needs, urges, etc. that apply to a spankee could have the same affect on a spanker. Any spankers want to fess up to feeling the urge periodically?

#20 Elgin 1890

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Posted 23 October 2009 - 04:17 AM

I will answer the original question even though it was asked a long time ago. I have read all the posts and find I agree with almost every answer. I don't remember everybodys name but Dawn was first and like her, I have thought about spankings from a very early age. Way before the time of sexuality. Yet, I wasn't spanked back then and although I agreed with all the reasons from the second lady, I was never abused. But like her, when I think of sex, I think of spanking first. Sorry that I'm not adding any new insight here. I think people like us share a common bond that no one else can understand. Although I have found that women who like to be spanked usually don't relate well with men who like to be spanked. The need is the same. Men do tend to sexualize it more at times. It's just how we're wired. Having said this however, I have been all over the internet for years and most of it is abhoring with the BDSM and basic porn that comes up. I did find a pretty good Yahoo board run by the Mormons. They allowed us non-Mormons in and dealt mainly with disiplinary wives. But it wasn't until I discovered this site that it felt like home. This site addresses the needs for disipline that I sometimes felt I was alone with. The stress, the guilt relief, all of it. When childhood turned into adolences and then towards adulthood, I thought about being spanked though it all. Yes, there was the one time with my cousin and my parents who never did it correctly. But I thought I was getting too old. Then my ex spanked me for the guilt I felt over being unfaithful to her. That's when I learned about the medicimal benefits. My current wife, the love of my life, spanks me in our Victorian room, but not nearly as much as I would like or truely need. But I have to admit, she gave me the hardest spanking I ever received with her silver hairbrush which left bruises on my bottom for over a week. It was the closest I've come to being fully fulfilled in my need.




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